Consumerism finally strikes

I don't know how we did it, but N-man and B-man have never been big into the "I want it"'s. Besides the occasional whine of "MOOOOOOOOM!!!! I want a LOLLIPOP!" they rarely get the gimmies.

If I knew how we did it, I'm sure I could patent it. But I'm pretty sure we just got lucky with two kids who just don't have a big yen for material possessions.

Until now.

We got one of those catalogs filled with crazy junk. As an aside, one of the worst things about moving is getting back on the mailing lists for every catalog in existence. And this catalog was extra annoying because you can only call during the day to cancel it. So, I left it open sitting on the kitchen table to call the next day during business hours.

On the facing page was apparently the most enticing product ever. Here is the conversation that ensued when B-man saw it:

B-man: Mom! Look! There's a piggy bank shaped like pants!

Me: Oh yeah.

B-man: With a BUM hanging out!

Me: Oh yeah.

B-man: That is SO funny. You put money in the BUM!

[By now N-man has come over, too, and I realize that I'm not getting out of this conversation about a crazy plastic piggy bank that looks like someone's butt]

Me: Isn't that silly? And do you know what it does when you put the money in?

B-man and N-man: What?

Me: It TOOTS! Look, it say here "Drop some loot and hear me toot"

B-man and N-man: [dissolve into gales of laughter, punctuated by occasional exclamations of "It TOOTS!"]

B-man, with much seriousness: Mom, we *HAVE* to get this.

____________

For the record, I'm not getting them a farting piggy bank. I'm pretty sure we already got all the possible amusement out of this. But how funny is it that one of the first times B-man asks for a toy, this is what he chooses? I suspect there will be many fart jokes in our future!

An interview with N-man and B-man

I grabbed this from a friend on Facebook. It would have been fun if I'd asked the kids the questions separately, but we were all hanging out while I was feeding Z-man, so I asked them together. Here are their answers to a variety of questions about me!

1. What is something Mommy always says to you?
I love you (N-man) I can't think of anything (B-man)

2. What makes mommy happy?
Clean up (B-man) Not clean up! (N-man, with lots of giggles)

3. What makes mommy sad?
Not cleaning up (said in tandem!)

4. How does mommy make you laugh?
Saying silly words (B-man) Eating your thumb (??? N-man)

5. What was mommy like as a child?
I do NOT know! (B-man) My yellow blanket (N-man...he's talking about a blanket that was mine when I was little that is now his)

6. How old is mommy?
I do NOT know! (B-man) Me, either. You have to tell us (N-man) We still have to learn that (B-man). I'm 34 (Me) Wow, that's a lot (B-man). That's bigger than a giant (N-man)

7. How tall is mommy?
I do NOT know. We still have to learn that, Mommy! (B-man) 100 (N-man)

8. What is mommy's favorite thing to do?
Ooo! Play with us! (B-man) Getting hugs (N-man)

9. What does mommy do when you're not around?
Work and go to places (N-man) You are with Z-man (B-man)

10. If mommy becomes famous, what would it be for?
I don't know. (B-man) Kisses (N-man)

11. What is mommy really good at?
Playing Bejeweled Blitz (B-man) Feeding Baby Z-man (N-man)

12. What is mommy not very good at?
Reading books (N-man, with a laugh) You are good at that, mom! (B-man) Setting a movie up (N-man) Picking flowers (N-man...wow, who knew he had such a long list of things I can't do!) Raking the leaves (B-man) Daddy's MUCH better at raking the leaves! He doesn't have to stop to feed Z-man. (B-man)

13. What does mommy do for a job?
Go to a book club (B-man). Go to the library (N-man) (Wow...I'd love to get paid for either of those :)

14. What is mommy's favorite food?
A lot of stuff (B-man) Everything! (N-man) Not everything! Mommy doesn't like mustard! (B-man)

15. What makes you proud of mommy?
Because you make food, the stuff we like and that's good for us (B-man) When you do the stuff I want (N-man)

16. If mommy was a cartoon character, who would she be?
What's a cartoon character? (B-man) (I explained) I would not know. Would you? (B-man)

17. What do you and mommy do together?
Play games (B-man) Play (N-man)

18. How are you and your mommy the same?
You cook and I cook (N-man). I think N-man's talking about PLAY food! (B-man) Because we both like cuddling! (B-man)

19. How are you and your mommy different?
You cook and I DON'T cook (N-man). Well....because...you cook and I do not. (B-man)

20. How do you know your mommy loves you?
Because you say "I love you" (B-man). Because you do good stuff (N-man)

21. What does mommy like most about daddy?
I do NOT know. Why? (B-man) Me either (N-man)

22. Where is your mommy's favorite place to go?
Uhhhhhh....where ever her legs can go (B-man) Everywhere! (N-man)

Almost...

Big kids at school.
Little guy asleep.
A nice cup of coffee,
and a cookie.

And a big pile of bills to pay.

So close to perfection...
and yet so far away.

Telling me the hard truths

I was running around with B-man and N-man outside the other day, and they kept hiding behind trees and bushes. So I jokingly hid behind a lamp post and said, "You can't see me!"

B-man answered, "Mommy, you have to hide behind something MUCH bigger and wider!"

Thanks.

It must be morning!

Okay, sleep experts. I appreciate your years of schooling and experience. However, you can't just randomly define "sleeping through the night" as 6 continuous hours of sleep*. I am happy Z-man is sleeping from 8:30 to 2:30 most nights. However, I don't think any rational person would call that "sleeping through the night". It's not morning now. It's nighttime still. I'm not sleeping through the night. I'm up in the middle of the night.

Which is fine. I mean, Z-man is only 6 weeks old. This is a-okay with me. Just don't patronize me and try to convince me that I'm now officially sleeping through the night.

*Note for non-parents or non-obsessive readers of sleep related books: I think I should clarify this. Every time you read something by one of these supposed infant sleep experts, you'll see all over the place something along the lines of "sleeping through the night is defined as 6 continuous hours of sleep". Which, I must admit, makes me sorely doubt the sanity of said authors, let alone the validity of their advice. Did you really think you could pass this off? Did you really think sleep deprived parents would somehow be convinced they were magically sleeping through the night just because you said so? I mean, I can make definitive statements, too. That doesn't make them true. Here, let me try:

A "good blog entry" is defined as this one.

Did I fool anyone into thinking this wasn't rambling and obviously the byproduct of someone who is not particularly well-rested since she is NOT, no matter what anyone says, sleeping through the night?