Kids will give you away every time

Here's what came home in the kids' backpacks yesterday:

N-man did a writing/drawing assignment about pizza. He said his favorite pizza topping was blue cheese dressing. Yes, you read that right. For readers from my hometown of Buffalo, this might seem slightly eccentric but not totally insane. However, I'm sure to everyone else in the world, this seems completely crazy and kind of disgusting.

(It's not, though. It's super delicious! And my kids are SKINNY. I'd pour blue cheese dressing on all their food if they'd let me, if only it would help them gain some weight!)

Okay, embarrassing to think that N-man's teachers and friends now know his mom lets/encourages him to put salad dressing on his pizza. But it's kind of funny, too.

Then I opened B-man's backpack. He had an open-ended writing assignment where they could choose to write about anything in the world. Here's what he chose:

"My mom was cleaning up, then she said, "It's time to go." I said, "I didn't eat breakfast yet!"

Yeah, I don't remember this day. Now, it's true TK was out of town last week, and things got a little hairy, but I thought I had things under better control that I wasn't starving my children. As I just mentioned above, my kids are ridiculously skinny and I'm kind of psycho about making sure they eat at least five times each day. So I asked B-man what happened when he told me I hadn't given him breakfast, and he said that then I gave him breakfast. I was probably kidding when I said it was time to go to get B-man moving on eating. But now I'm tempted to send a note in to his teacher that says "Oh my gosh, of course I make sure B-man eats breakfast every day! I'd never forget to feed the kids!"

I guess I should just be happy that in B-man's writing, at least I get credit for cleaning, if not cooking! I know from working in elementary schools that kids will give away all the family secrets. It's a lot funnier when it's not my own kids, though :)

But he doesn't like my cooking???

Well, I hate to call it out in public, but we're working with our little B-man about a very gross problem: nose picking. I'd love to hear if anyone has a solution to that gem. But, this isn't a vent about nose picking. Instead, it's a funny story. About nose picking.

Yay for mommy blogs!

So, the other day, I caught B-man picking his nose again. I told him to stop, and like always, he asked why.

With a distinct tone of frustration in my voice, I said, "First, it's disgusting."

He stopped me and said with that same tone of frustration, "Mom, first, it's delicious."

Yeah, now we're working on not eating our boogers...

Snack bags and garden pickings

N-man and B-man start Kindergarten tomorrow. I'm finding it hard to believe, though I suspect that's normal.

Our district only has half day kindergarten, so I don't need to worry about lunches. But they do need to have a snack every day. I asked what they wanted for their snack the first day, and they chose strawberries and blueberries (N-man) and cottage cheese (B-man). Weirdos! Anyway, since both of those need an ice pack to stay cool, I decided to make the kids a reusable snack tote, something I had in mind for a while anyway.



Here it is. A pocket for an ice pack, a place to hold a fork or spoon, and room for a small reusable container. It was pretty easy to make, and if I actually knew how to use my sewing machine, I'm sure it would have been far quicker.



Here they are all folded up. I let the kids choose their fabrics/thread, so while it might not have been exactly the colors I would have put together, they're happy with it. B-man chose the stars, N-man chose the dots. The only other thing I might do is sew a quick napkin from the remaining fabrics. Probably not by tomorrow, though...we have plenty of cloth napkins that I can just stick inside.

I've written about zero-waste lunches before. I'd really like to try to continue to pack snacks that don't have any packaging. I also have a couple reusable sandwich bags that I bought, and I think I'll try to sew a few more in different sizes. Those are good for holding snacks like crackers or goldfish. I just needed something that could also hold an ice pack so I can pack cold snacks, too.

(If anyone is curious to make one, the big square is 14" and the pocket is 8.5" by 5.5", though your sizes would be dependent upon the size of your ice pack.)

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At the beginning of the summer, I posted about our raised bed garden. It's done okay...I've been plagued with horn worms (did a number on the tomatoes, though I managed to rescue a few of the plants), deer, I think (bye bye beans, bye bye many ripening tomatoes), and drought (um, that's my own fault for not watering...lost a few bean plants that the deer had missed, and my only squash plant).

But we've still been getting stuff. Earlier in the year, the lettuce and swiss chard did great...I was able to make a couple meals with those before the weather started getting too hot. We've been getting a few tomatoes here, a couple fairy tale eggplant there, a handful of lima beans, an onion or two; nothing overwhelming, and never enough to make a side dish alone but stuff I've thrown in with other veggies from our CSA. Yesterday, though, I picked the rest of the onions and carrots, plus we had a few more cherry tomatoes. Not the biggest haul on earth, but a pretty respectable one day harvest.



Yum! While I didn't get great harvests this year, I learned a lot. Once the tomatoes are done, I think I'm going to clean out the bed, plant a few squares of garlic this fall, and then plant some permanent squares of asparagus and rhubarb in the spring, for future years. And hopefully add another box (or two, or three!) to plant more veggies next year! Maybe I can even add some kind of fencing to keep out the deer. At the very least, I'll try some kind of deer-deterrent (besides our awesome neighbor across the street who yells at the deer every time she sees them munching on our garden :).

How did your gardens grow this year?

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Green tip for the day: Of course I'm putting in another plug for zero-waste lunches and snacks.

What are your tips (or favorite products) for zero-waste lunches and snacks? I'm a fan of the little reusable glad or ziploc containers you can get at the grocery store. Perfect size for little guys! And, inexpensive so if they get lost at school, I don't have to worry. I looked at some metal containers, and the small sizes were upwards of $10 a piece! They're nice, but I think I'd worry my 5 year olds might misplace them.

Chocolate Chip Math and Terracycle

N-man and B-man can be so different. B-man is in love with all things math. Today, I gave him 7 chocolate chips. He immediately counts them, then picks one up to eat and says, "7-1=6". He eats the next after saying, "6-1=5". And he keeps going.

N-man looks at B-man, looks at his own chocolate chips, then says, "Seven minus one equals YUM!" and tosses a chip in his mouth.

They were both right...

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Green tip for the day:

Look for a local Terracycle drop off point. There are many different things that can be dropped off, depending on what "brigades" your local group has signed up for. For example, our terracycle group in town collects juice pouches, chip bags, used pens/markers, empty glue bottles, cereal liners, and a variety of other non-recyclable items.

Many schools organize terracycle brigades as they receive a couple cents for each piece of garbage collected so it's a good fundraiser as well as an opportunity to keep trash out of landfills. You don't need to have a kid in school, though. Call your local school and find out where the drop-off points are...there may be some in locations besides the school, such as the library or a local coffee shop. Or you may be able to bring your donations to the school office even if you don't have a child in the school.

The only thing I'm not too sure if I like is that I wonder if the terracycle brigades encourage people to buy more single-use products, since the packaging is collected and raises money for their school or other charitable organization. For example, do you think people are more likely to give their kids juice pouches rather than water or juice in a reusable container if they know they can upcycle their used pouches? What do you think?

Do you drop things off for a terracycle collection? If so, what are your favorite things to terracycle? I love the used marker and cereal bag collections, as those are things we definitely buy and used to have to toss in the trash.

The Most Regal Planet

For their birthday, we got N-man and B-man a book about planets. B-man is doing a great job reading--he can recognize the names of all the planets in our solar system.

Except "Uranus", which he keeps reading as "Your Highness". I just can't stop giggling. Now he's calling it "Your Highness" on purpose. I love this kid!

Fear Factor

N-man and B-man have this thing where if we have m&m's, they both always want to make sure they get red ones. They don't care about any other color...they just want red. I figured it was their favorite because they both love the color pink. (As an aside, B-man now calls pink "light red"...I don't know if that's his attempt to make it more boy-friendly??)

Today I asked them: why red m&m's?

The answer surprised me, and reminded me that they're like little sponges, absorbing every little thing I tell them: "because red dye is made from mushed up bugs!"

Yes, I told them about carmine. I thought it was a fun gross-out fear factor thing. Now they avidly pursue red foods so they can be eating insects.

Yum.

The "Surprise"

Yesterday N-man and B-man didn't have anything to bring home from school. The teacher explained that they were working on a special secret project that they'd bring home later.

We made it to the car before the kids told me it was a Mother's Day present. I told them that was great, but they shouldn't tell me what it is.

By the time we walked in the door, N-man wanted me to guess which table he sat at to work on it. I know which teacher was helping him!

By lunch time, it was still on N-man's mind. He wanted to keep the secret, but wanted to let me in on it as well. B-man, while more staunch in his desire to not tell, had no problem with N-man giving hints.

"Mommy, guess what we made today," N-man said.

"I don't want to ruin the surprise. You don't have to tell me."

"Just guess," N-man said.

"Okay. A drawing."

"Nope. Guess again."

"A painting."

"No. I'll give you a hint. It's what this is in." He pointed to a large fake flower arrangement in a vase.

"A vase?" I guessed.

"No. It's a flower pot," N-man revealed.

"You weren't supposed to tell!" said B-man.

"It's okay, I didn't hear," I lied.

"IT'S A FLOWER POT," N-man yelled.

I got a case of the giggles then.

I guess the surprise is that he lasted a full hour before telling me!

Who's There?

This is a small sampling of last night's dinner conversation:

Nate: Knock knock

TK: Who's there?

Nate: Banana

TK: Banana who?

Nate: [long pause, then confusedly] Uh, you do that banana joke.

Then, after the "orange you glad I didn't say banana" joke had been told, it was Ben's turn.

Ben: Knock knock

TK: Who's there?

Ben: Lamp

TK: Lamp who?

Ben: Knock knock

TK: Who's there?

Ben: Lamp

TK: Lamp who?

Ben: Knock knock

TK: Who's there?

Ben: Light bulb

TK: Light bulb who?

Ben: Light bulb you glad I didn't say lamp!

Antibiotics rule! Antibacterials don't.

N-man and B-man came down with strep throat this week, and scarlet fever.

No surprise, a few days later, I was at the doctor. Strep throat for me too. Wow, that hurts!

Anyway, we're all on antibiotics. The boys are much, much better, and I'm well on my way. How awesome are antibiotics? You hear "scarlet fever" and think of some wicked terrible disease. Turns out it's quite easily treatable and no big deal as long as you get on antibiotics. Who knew?

This got me thinking about one of my pet peeves: the overuse of antibacterial products. I think people are starting to understand why it's dangerous to overuse antibiotics. But what I can't understand is why supermarkets (and to a lesser degree, toy stores) are filled with antibacterial products. Unless someone in the house is immune-compromised, why does anyone need it? Just like with antibiotics, antibacterial products can create resistant strains of bacteria. Here's a good article from the CDC.

It seems to me that companies who sell antibacterial products are really being irresponsible, relying on fear-mongering and misinformation.

Not to mention, triclosan, one of the most commonly used antibacterials, pollutes the water supply and may have potentially dangerous health consequences (check this for more info).

What do you think of things like antibacterial soap or products impregnated with antibacterials? Do you use them in your house? If so, are you aware of the risks? My theory is that most people who buy them think it's a good thing that will protect their family and don't realize they are contributing to the rise of "superbugs", polluting the environment, and potentially contributing to health problems. Now there would be some good truth in advertising: "buy our antibacterial soap! It probably won't help you, but it will screw up the world!"

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Green tip for the day: Unless there's an extremely compelling reason (i.e., an immune compromised family member), just say no to Microban products and cleaners containing antibacterials.

As always, do your own research and/or talk to your doctor if you have any concerns. The internet is filled with nutjobs making wild claims about the dangers of this or that. I tried to include links that contained actual scientific research rather than someone just screaming "antibacterials will kill us alllllllll!" I am not a scientist. However, I do find the research compelling enough that we don't use antibacterial products. Says the person who has a house full of strep throat :)

Hey, who's in charge of updating this thing?

Oh! I guess it's me! Kind of fell down on the job there, didn't I?

Things have been...normal. The sleep deprivation was kicking my butt, and just when I thought I couldn't possibly take it any more, Z-man started sleeping through the night. Sometimes. Five nights so far, out of the last seven. Hey, I'll take it. It was enough to make me feel human again instead of zombie.

We went to New Jersey for my nephew's bar mitzvah. I can hardly believe I have a nephew that old! It was very nice.

Plus, every time we go to New Jersey, it reminds me how much I love Massachusetts. No offense, New Jersey! You just...aren't my cup of tea, let's say. It was nice to get a reminder about how lucky we are to live in the perfect place for us. I hope everyone in New Jersey feels like they live in the perfect place, too.

Our computer died. I'm limping along now on a SLOW mini we got free from the cable company when we signed a 2 year contract. I'm really glad we have it as I don't know what I'd do totally cut off from the internet, but I really miss a grown-up computer.

So that's it. We'll see if I can get posts up more frequently!

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Bonus funny from N-man, that my facebook friends already saw in my status update: Out of nowhere he said the other day, "I have more ideas than my brain has space." I know how you feel, buddy!

And here's a bonus funny from B-man, that my facebook friends haven't seen yet: yesterday B-man called out to me from the bathroom, "Mommy!" I was worried something was wrong, so I hurried it. He held up his hand and said excitedly, "my thumb is shorter than my pinkie!" Okey dokey!

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Green tip for the day: Consider switching to a shampoo bar. Great on so many levels: no plastic container, smaller so it's easier to ship, no weird chemicals get added to the water supply (or your hair). I've been using Burt's Bees Rosemary Mint bar. It's less harsh than regular shampoo so it did take a few weeks for me to step up to using it full-time. I started out switching between regular shampoo and the bar every other day, then every 2 days, then shampoo only once a week. TK and I have both been using the bar full-time since January 1. I think my hair looks much better and healthier as a bonus. Plus, the bar is much cheaper than shampoo in the long run. I paid $5.99 for it, which is a bit more than I'd pay for a bottle of shampoo. But, we got this bar at the end of November, and it's only about half done. I'd have already used 2 bottles of shampoo by now! Store the bar in a closed travel soap dish so that it stays dry and lasts longer.

It was hard for me to find a shampoo bar. I finally located this one at Whole Foods. Let me know if anyone knows of any other stores that carry them! (Of course you can always find them online, too).

A dose of optimism

Today Z-man was once again not-napping*, and I said to the big boys, "Wow, Z-man really isn't good at napping!"

B-man answered, "but he sure is good at smiling!"

And you know what? He is. How lucky am I that at least Z-man skips his naps so he can coo, smile, giggle, and be generally adorable?

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* Okay, I'm three kids deep now, and I think I can decisively say that my worst parenting skill is getting infants to sleep. Oh, I can do it: car trips, rocking, nursing, walking around holding them. But 2 out of 3 of my kids totally lack the ability to nap in a crib. If it wasn't for N-man, who was the world's greatest napper, I'd have a total complex. As it is, at least I'm not batting zero.

How long until Z-man is old enough not to need a nap? I can't wait!

You'll never guess...

At preschool, each kid has a day when they're the "superstar". On their superstar day, they get to take home the mystery bag, which we then fill with an item that starts with the letter of the week. Then the kid comes up with three clues about the item, and the class has to guess what it is the next day. It's a pretty fun thing they do!

So, yesterday N-man was the superstar. Tonight we went around the house looking for something that starts with the letter J, and he finally chose a jingle stick, one of those musical instruments with jingle bells attached to it. These are the clues he wanted me to write down:

• It's a rocket
• It has socks on it

I explained to him that we couldn't use those as clues since they weren't true. He answered, "Well, I don't want anyone to guess what's in the mystery bag." Hmm, I guess that's one way to keep people from guessing!

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B-man was the superstar on Monday, so he looked for a J item earlier this week. He comes back with a...DREIDEL. I tell him that it starts with a D, not a J. "No, you're *really* WRONG, Mommy! It's not DAY-del, it's JAH-raydel!" I feel bad, but I couldn't stop laughing. If you say it out loud, dreidel does kind of sound like JAHraydel. He wouldn't believe me, though. I finally looked it up on wikipedia for him, which luckily has a picture of the exact same dreidel he found. "Oh," was all he said, when he discovered dreidel doesn't start with a J.

For the record, he finally settled on a stuffed jaguar for mystery bag item.

I had a lot of fun with the mystery bag this week!
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Green tip for the day: whenever I throw something in the garbage or recycling bin, I take a second to think about if I really needed that item. I ask myself things like:

• Could I have done without it? (Like the classic bottled water example when you can drink from the tap)
  
• Is there an alternative that can be reused? (This is why I switched to cloth napkins and cloth towels, so we weren't throwing away so many paper napkins/towels)
  
• Is there an alternative that uses less packaging (i.e., less to be thrown away or recycled)? (Such as buying larger bulk containers instead of individual packages)
  
• Is there a way I can repurpose the item I'm throwing away? (I've been saving large yogurt containers and other similar sized plastic containers to start seedlings this spring. We also use them in the bath to rinse hair)
• Is it possible that even if my town doesn't recycle the item, I can look around online to find a different way to recycle? (Such as dropping off used CFL bulbs at the hardware store, or finding a drop-off place for a used laptop battery)
• Can the item possibly be donated/freecycled/or otherwise continue to be used? (I freecycled 11 mismatched coffee mugs, and got a TON of responses for them. I try to keep in mind that just because I don't want something doesn't mean it's trash!)
  

Some things I decide really are trash, and I really did need them and will continue using them. For example, I haven't found a convenient, affordable source of milk in glass bottles. So we have a lot of milk containers in our recycling bins. We still have at least 2 bags of trash each week, and 2 or 3 bins of recycling every two weeks. I'm trying to cut back on that, but the reality is that it will never be zero. I just like to make sure I'm being cognizant of our household trash/recycling!

Have yourself a very geeky Christmas

N-man was looking at the ornaments on our tree and said, "Mommy! This is DARK Vader!"

I told him, "Yep, but it's DARTH Vader. He's a bad guy."

N-man's answer, "I know that Mommy. I've known that since before I was born."

Proof that geekiness is part nature, part nurture.

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So, N-man calls Darth Vader "Dark Vader", which makes me giggle. But even funnier is that B-man call Yoda "Yoga". I can't wait until they're old enough to watch Star Wars!

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Green tip for the day: Add one more vegetarian meal to your week. Veggies are generally better for the environment than meat: use fewer resources to produce, create less waste, etc. This is especially true if you choose local and/or organic vegetables. Alternately, if you have a really committed carnivore in the house, start moving toward meals where meat is used sparingly. For example, I make bean and chicken quesadillas that only use 1 chicken breast for the whole family. Or a homemade pasta sauce that uses about 1/4 lb of ground meat. Or pumpkin waffles with one slice of bacon each on the side.

As an added plus, this is another green tip that should save you some money!

What they're thankful for

We just got from preschool a cute project the kids did before Thanksgiving. They made handprint turkeys, and the teacher asked each of them what they're thankful for. Here's what my kiddos said:

B-man: Mommy lets me make lunch and breakfast and dinner, too!

Isn't that sweet? It sounds like I have him working as a short-order cook! Really, I think it is sweet. Frequent readers of my blog know I spend a lot of time cooking with the kids (mwah ha ha!!), so it's heartening to see that B-man is growing to love cooking just like me!

N-man: Winter! Make snowman! I can put a nose in it! Throw snowballs and sometiems I get it in my face, in my eye so I can't see!

Yes, the teacher really did transcribe it with all those exclamation points. I'm sure that's exactly how N-man said it. He loves winter, again, just like mommy. Though he really does get pissed if any snow gets in his face. Yikes! Sledding is right out with him.

On a related note, at the beginning of the school year, the teachers helped the kids make a class book about families. One of the questions was "Why do you love your family?" Here are their answers:

B-man: cuddling and TV

Hmmm, really? TV? Ah well...

N-man: because mommy is soft and daddy has lots of hair.

Hee!

These kids crack me up!

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Okay, another green tip. Here are some green tips about laundry, starting slow and working your way up. As always, take what works for you, make your own small steps...

1) Watch out for the packaging of the detergent. Ditch the plastic bottles, or at the very least buy the largest size you can instead of lots of little plastic bottles.

2) Choose eco-friendly, plant based detergent. Currently, I'm using the Trader Joe's powdered laundry detergent. It comes in a big box, that even with 3 kids (and diaper laundry!) seems to last forever. The smell isn't weird like some of the perfume/dye free detergents tend to have, and it adequately cleans clothes. I'm not 100% in love with it, though, and may shop around a bit more once this box runs out. Besides being environmentally-friendly, the TJ's detergent is actually LESS expensive than what I was paying for All before I made the switch. Now that's a win!

3) Set your washer to use cold water. Sure, sometimes the boys' clothes don't get perfectly stain-free, but who cares? Those become play shirts, and really, pretty much all they do is play so those clothes are just fine to jump in leaf piles and paint and run around. For the most part, our laundry comes out stain-free even using cold water. My only exception is the sanitize cycle I use for diapers...no way am I washing those in cold water :)

4) Ditch the dryer sheets. Oh yeah, I'm going there even though it's coming into static-season. Besides being bad for the environment, there are some compelling claims that they're bad for your health. I know they're an asthma-trigger for me! If you must, get eco-friendly dryer sheets, or google around for other static reducing techniques. My best advice: wear a lot of cotton (doesn't get as staticky in my experience), and don't over-dry clothes.

5) Consider upgrading to a high efficiency front loader washer. It uses far less water than a top loader. If you're paying for water, it will eventually pay for itself in water savings. It also spins more of the water out of the clothes, so you're using less energy to dry them. You only need to use half as much detergent as a top loader, so that's another savings. A front loader dryer is less important, though I love the sensor-dry feature on ours that turns off the dryer as soon as it senses the clothes are dry. Sometimes it takes only 30 minutes to dry a load! But if I had to pick just one, I'd definitely go with the washer.

6) Don't use a dryer at all--hang clothes to dry. I haven't been able to commit to this...it's really a lot more work. We don't have a good spot indoors to dry clothes, our basement is very damp, and it's too cold out now to do it outside. But I'm just throwing it out there. It sure would be more eco-friendly. Maybe I'll give it a go this coming summer. If anyone has successfully ditched the dryer, let me know how you find it!

So what other laundry tips do you have to share?

He's got my sense of humor

Here's the joke B-man told me today:

B-man: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
B-man: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
B-man: NO! You say, knock knock who.
Me: Oh. Knock Knock who?
B-man: Knock Knock
Me: Knock knock who?
B-man: NO NO NO! That's the joke! I just say knock knock.

Then he laughed for ten minutes.

Yep, definitely my sense of humor.

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Green tip: ditch the veggie bags. I find I don't really need them as I buy veggies on a need-to-use basis for the most part so I'm not really buying huge quantities of the same thing. Do I really need a bag for 2 lemons or a rubber banded bunch of asparagus? And for those times when I do need a bag (loose berries, anyone??), I throw it in my purse when I'm done with it to reuse next time I need a vegetable bag at the grocery store.

Of dragons and dreams

The big boys and I were sitting around, playing with a "magic wand", pretending to turn each other into things. N-man said, "I don't need a magic wand. I don't want to be anything but what I am. And I'm a dragon."

He said it with such confidence and matter-of-factness. He's totally happy to be himself, which today happens to be a dragon.

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This reminds me of the very first time I got on the internet (I mean the kind of internet kids today would find recognizable). It was 1995 or early 1996. That school year TK and I lived a thousand miles away from each other while he was in his first year of grad school and I was finishing up my senior year of college.

Let's be clear...I'd used the internet before that. Email was already a favored form of communication, and TK and I kept our phone bills down by chatting online. I'd browsed around text-based discussion groups, joining conversations on a whole slew of insane (and inane) topics. My roommate in college was actually one of the very early trolls, posting inflammatory comments and reveling in the attention it brought. And yes, in real life she was just like you'd expect from someone who trolls, though that's a story for a different day.

I'm talking about my first time browsing websites. It was a much different web back then. Many websites were cobbled together by techies and geeks with various degrees of proficiency. The results were often intentionally, or better yet unintentionally, hilarious. I went down to visit TK, and while he had class, I played around on his computer, taking advantage of the ethernet connection in his dorm room. In a very first glimpse of the time-suck the internet would become, I killed an hour and a half surfing the web.

One website I came across has stuck with me all this time. It was a loving tribute to dragons, put up by some guy who really, really liked dragons. The highlight of the page was a fairly long essay this person wrote about how awesome dragons are. The conclusion really sold it, though. I still remember it: "Do I want to be a dragon? Stupid question. Of course I do."

I love it. The way it completely misses the reason why it's a stupid question. Though to be honest, I suspect that if I ever met this guy, we'd get on great. And more and more often, I'm beginning to suspect this is how N-man is going to be. No, I don't mean a colossal dragon-loving nerd, but someone whose brain works a little off-kilter of everyone else's, but he remains blissfully unaware of it.

It's so amazing to watch the kids grow and develop their different personalities. B-man is also growing into an amazing little person, though in a completely different way. That'll have to be a topic for a different day if I ever hope to get this posted.

For now, though, I'm done feeding the baby and off to play with the big kids. For today, am I a dragon? Stupid question. Of course I am.

The parenting book of superlatives

Forget an instruction manual, new parents should be given a book of superlatives to study up for when they have preschoolers!

Here's how my day goes:
Kiddo 1 or 2: "Mommy, what is the biggest animal?"
Me: "The Blue Whale".
Kiddo 1 or 2: "Mommy, what's the biggest animal that isn't in the ocean?"
Me: "An elephant"
Kiddo 1 or 2: "What about dinosaurs?"
Me: "Well, dinosaurs are extinct. There are none that live on Earth anymore. But the biggest dinosaur was the Argentinosaurus."
Kiddo 1 or 2: "Was it bigger than a blue whale?"
Me: "Nope! The blue whale is the biggest ever!"
Kiddo 1 or 2: "What's the biggest fish in the ocean?"
Me: "The Whale Shark"
Kiddo 1 or 2: "It eats tiny food!"
Me: "Yep!" [Don't think we haven't read a number of books about whale sharks!]
Kiddo 1 or 2: "What's the biggest bird?"
Me: "An Ostrich"
Kiddo 1 or 2: "No, no, I mean a bird that can *fly*!"
Me: "Google to the rescue!" [Appears to be some type of albatross, if we're not including extinct birds]

Seriously, I'm going to know the "biggest" of everything! And I'm sure soon they'll be asking "smallest", too. I think I need to bust out a nature section of a Guinness Book of World Records...

Consumerism finally strikes

I don't know how we did it, but N-man and B-man have never been big into the "I want it"'s. Besides the occasional whine of "MOOOOOOOOM!!!! I want a LOLLIPOP!" they rarely get the gimmies.

If I knew how we did it, I'm sure I could patent it. But I'm pretty sure we just got lucky with two kids who just don't have a big yen for material possessions.

Until now.

We got one of those catalogs filled with crazy junk. As an aside, one of the worst things about moving is getting back on the mailing lists for every catalog in existence. And this catalog was extra annoying because you can only call during the day to cancel it. So, I left it open sitting on the kitchen table to call the next day during business hours.

On the facing page was apparently the most enticing product ever. Here is the conversation that ensued when B-man saw it:

B-man: Mom! Look! There's a piggy bank shaped like pants!

Me: Oh yeah.

B-man: With a BUM hanging out!

Me: Oh yeah.

B-man: That is SO funny. You put money in the BUM!

[By now N-man has come over, too, and I realize that I'm not getting out of this conversation about a crazy plastic piggy bank that looks like someone's butt]

Me: Isn't that silly? And do you know what it does when you put the money in?

B-man and N-man: What?

Me: It TOOTS! Look, it say here "Drop some loot and hear me toot"

B-man and N-man: [dissolve into gales of laughter, punctuated by occasional exclamations of "It TOOTS!"]

B-man, with much seriousness: Mom, we *HAVE* to get this.

____________

For the record, I'm not getting them a farting piggy bank. I'm pretty sure we already got all the possible amusement out of this. But how funny is it that one of the first times B-man asks for a toy, this is what he chooses? I suspect there will be many fart jokes in our future!

An interview with N-man and B-man

I grabbed this from a friend on Facebook. It would have been fun if I'd asked the kids the questions separately, but we were all hanging out while I was feeding Z-man, so I asked them together. Here are their answers to a variety of questions about me!

1. What is something Mommy always says to you?
I love you (N-man) I can't think of anything (B-man)

2. What makes mommy happy?
Clean up (B-man) Not clean up! (N-man, with lots of giggles)

3. What makes mommy sad?
Not cleaning up (said in tandem!)

4. How does mommy make you laugh?
Saying silly words (B-man) Eating your thumb (??? N-man)

5. What was mommy like as a child?
I do NOT know! (B-man) My yellow blanket (N-man...he's talking about a blanket that was mine when I was little that is now his)

6. How old is mommy?
I do NOT know! (B-man) Me, either. You have to tell us (N-man) We still have to learn that (B-man). I'm 34 (Me) Wow, that's a lot (B-man). That's bigger than a giant (N-man)

7. How tall is mommy?
I do NOT know. We still have to learn that, Mommy! (B-man) 100 (N-man)

8. What is mommy's favorite thing to do?
Ooo! Play with us! (B-man) Getting hugs (N-man)

9. What does mommy do when you're not around?
Work and go to places (N-man) You are with Z-man (B-man)

10. If mommy becomes famous, what would it be for?
I don't know. (B-man) Kisses (N-man)

11. What is mommy really good at?
Playing Bejeweled Blitz (B-man) Feeding Baby Z-man (N-man)

12. What is mommy not very good at?
Reading books (N-man, with a laugh) You are good at that, mom! (B-man) Setting a movie up (N-man) Picking flowers (N-man...wow, who knew he had such a long list of things I can't do!) Raking the leaves (B-man) Daddy's MUCH better at raking the leaves! He doesn't have to stop to feed Z-man. (B-man)

13. What does mommy do for a job?
Go to a book club (B-man). Go to the library (N-man) (Wow...I'd love to get paid for either of those :)

14. What is mommy's favorite food?
A lot of stuff (B-man) Everything! (N-man) Not everything! Mommy doesn't like mustard! (B-man)

15. What makes you proud of mommy?
Because you make food, the stuff we like and that's good for us (B-man) When you do the stuff I want (N-man)

16. If mommy was a cartoon character, who would she be?
What's a cartoon character? (B-man) (I explained) I would not know. Would you? (B-man)

17. What do you and mommy do together?
Play games (B-man) Play (N-man)

18. How are you and your mommy the same?
You cook and I cook (N-man). I think N-man's talking about PLAY food! (B-man) Because we both like cuddling! (B-man)

19. How are you and your mommy different?
You cook and I DON'T cook (N-man). Well....because...you cook and I do not. (B-man)

20. How do you know your mommy loves you?
Because you say "I love you" (B-man). Because you do good stuff (N-man)

21. What does mommy like most about daddy?
I do NOT know. Why? (B-man) Me either (N-man)

22. Where is your mommy's favorite place to go?
Uhhhhhh....where ever her legs can go (B-man) Everywhere! (N-man)

Telling me the hard truths

I was running around with B-man and N-man outside the other day, and they kept hiding behind trees and bushes. So I jokingly hid behind a lamp post and said, "You can't see me!"

B-man answered, "Mommy, you have to hide behind something MUCH bigger and wider!"

Thanks.