He's got my sense of humor

Here's the joke B-man told me today:

B-man: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
B-man: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
B-man: NO! You say, knock knock who.
Me: Oh. Knock Knock who?
B-man: Knock Knock
Me: Knock knock who?
B-man: NO NO NO! That's the joke! I just say knock knock.

Then he laughed for ten minutes.

Yep, definitely my sense of humor.

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Green tip: ditch the veggie bags. I find I don't really need them as I buy veggies on a need-to-use basis for the most part so I'm not really buying huge quantities of the same thing. Do I really need a bag for 2 lemons or a rubber banded bunch of asparagus? And for those times when I do need a bag (loose berries, anyone??), I throw it in my purse when I'm done with it to reuse next time I need a vegetable bag at the grocery store.

Unintentional Best New Insult

Today N-man waved his magic wand and said to TK, "I turned you into a pink monkey ball".

Now, N-man was definitely thinking of a bouncy ball, but I don't care. This is my newest insult...you're a pink monkey ball! It works as an expletive, too: Pink Monkey Balls!

I'm ridiculously easily amused.

Consumerism finally strikes

I don't know how we did it, but N-man and B-man have never been big into the "I want it"'s. Besides the occasional whine of "MOOOOOOOOM!!!! I want a LOLLIPOP!" they rarely get the gimmies.

If I knew how we did it, I'm sure I could patent it. But I'm pretty sure we just got lucky with two kids who just don't have a big yen for material possessions.

Until now.

We got one of those catalogs filled with crazy junk. As an aside, one of the worst things about moving is getting back on the mailing lists for every catalog in existence. And this catalog was extra annoying because you can only call during the day to cancel it. So, I left it open sitting on the kitchen table to call the next day during business hours.

On the facing page was apparently the most enticing product ever. Here is the conversation that ensued when B-man saw it:

B-man: Mom! Look! There's a piggy bank shaped like pants!

Me: Oh yeah.

B-man: With a BUM hanging out!

Me: Oh yeah.

B-man: That is SO funny. You put money in the BUM!

[By now N-man has come over, too, and I realize that I'm not getting out of this conversation about a crazy plastic piggy bank that looks like someone's butt]

Me: Isn't that silly? And do you know what it does when you put the money in?

B-man and N-man: What?

Me: It TOOTS! Look, it say here "Drop some loot and hear me toot"

B-man and N-man: [dissolve into gales of laughter, punctuated by occasional exclamations of "It TOOTS!"]

B-man, with much seriousness: Mom, we *HAVE* to get this.

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For the record, I'm not getting them a farting piggy bank. I'm pretty sure we already got all the possible amusement out of this. But how funny is it that one of the first times B-man asks for a toy, this is what he chooses? I suspect there will be many fart jokes in our future!

Preschool logic

Here's a conversation I just had with B-man:

B-man was talking about how reindeer fly without any wings.

Me: But that's just pretend. (Yeah, I forgot about the whole Santa thing. It's July, sue me!)

B-man, after thinking about it: Well, I just don't see any other way Santa could get presents here if his reindeer didn't fly.

He said it with such certainty, sure that Mommy must be mistaken!

An unexpected insult from a children's book!

I must start with a notice that this post is far naughtier than my usual offerings. You're intrigued now, aren't you? Well, don't say I didn't warn you about a rated R post!

So, this all starts with a book the boys just got as a hand-me-down from their cousin. It's called Mix and Match Villains. It's one of those book where each page is split into thirds and you can mix and match the pictures and words, creating new and often funny composite villains and nonsensical sentences.

B-man is especially diverted by this book, and since he's a touch OCD, he's intent on making his way through every possible combination. "Mommy, read this one!" "Mommy, read this one!" I hear this all day now. It was getting a little annoying, to tell the truth, until he presented me with the following:




I tried my best to keep a straight face, but I must say I lost my battle and laughed for about 10 minutes. And then decided I had to share it with you all. Have I mentioned I have the sense of humor of a 14 year old boy?

I'm sorry, give me a minute. I'm cracking up again. Just look at Alice...doesn't she look terribly insulted and embarrassed? She should be! But I think pink-flamingo-croquet-dude is pretty amused by mix-and-match Jafar/Frollo/The Queen of Hearts, at their shocking over-share here!

And *this* makes my Monday!

Guess who called me?

The other day, the phone rang. It was the Red Cross letting me know about a blood drive. When I got off the phone, B-man asked who it was. I explained it was someone calling to see if I would give them some blood.

Excitedly, B-man asked, "Was it a VAMPIRE?"

It's a...., plus silly stories

We had our Level II ultrasound yesterday and we're expecting another BOY! Boy oh boy oh boy, I'm so excited to have a house full of little guys! I think I'm biased as N-man and B-man are so awesome that I can't imagine not wanting another little boy. I'm sure a girl would have been fine, too, though I would have been far more scared. I feel a little badly as TK always wanted a girl, but oh well, he's happy with a boy, too. And we're done after this little guy! So three boys it is (and I've never even seen the TV show My Three Sons!)

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B-man is the only one in the house disappointed with the little brother situation. When I told him, he said, "but I want a little SISTER!" I explained we don't get to pick, and he said that he wants FOUR kids in the family. Keep wishing, big guy!

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Unrelated to the new little guy, N-man told us the other night that he wants a dog. TK explained that he's allergic to dogs. N-man then said, completely unconcerned, "Daddy, can you leave?" We cracked up! TK asked where he should live instead, and N-man said he should just stay at work. Hmmm, it's not much of a confidence builder if your kid ranks you right below getting a dog!

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In another unrelated story, TK got N-man dressed the other morning, and put him in a pair of truck underwear. Now, most of the boys' undies are communal, but they each have one set Grandma and Grandpa got them that is THEIRS. N-man has doggies, B-man has trucks. Well, obviously N-man wasn't paying attention when TK put on his undies that morning!

The boys went to school, and when they came home, N-man had to use the bathroom. He was sitting on the potty, when all of a sudden, B-man runs in, horrified. "Are those MY truck undies?" he asked indignantly.

N-man looked down, and just as horrified, ripped the clothes off his body to get the offending B-man underwear off.

So I told him I'd run upstairs to get him a different pair of undies. I ran up, got new ones, and when I got back down, B-man was naked, pulling on the truck undies N-man had worn all morning. I don't know why, but that simultaneously cracked me up and grossed me out.

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More book recs coming soon! Just had to get all this random randomness out!

The learning experiences provided by hide and seek

Something neat about having kids is that you discover that EVERY experience is a learning experience. We've been playing ENDLESS games of hide and seek. Something I've learned: there aren't a lot of places to hide in our house. Something else I've learned: that doesn't do a lick to discourage B-man and N-man from wanting to play constantly.

Another interesting fact I've discovered: while I feel like my pregnant belly is still little, it's now officially too big to fit under the bed.

Perhaps playing hide and seek is mostly a learning experience for me.

For the boys, they both are in a "love to count" stage. We were driving in the car last night, and they starting counting together. They got up to 29, then they both paused, as if they were waiting for the other one to say what number came next. So I prompted them: "What comes after 29?" The pause drags out for a minute, then N-man pipes up excitedly, "Ready or not, here I come!"

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Random related post: This isn't the first time we've had hilarity in the car around what number comes after 29. See this post for B-man's take on alternatives to thirty!

Two is the EVIL-est number

And no, I'm not talking about twins! I love twins!

The boys and I, for some reason, got on the topic of odd and even numbers. We talked about how every other number starting with 1 is odd, and every other number starting with 2 is even. For about thirty minutes yesterday, they asked me about nearly every number in existence (well, at least in their knowledge :) if it was odd or even, and they got pretty good about telling me if I started at one that 1 is odd, 2 is even, 3 is odd, 4 is even, etc.

Then we dropped the conversation. It's not really something that is an important part of their daily life at 3 years (oh, how odd!)

Today, out of the blue, N-man asked, "Mommy, is two EVIL?"

"No, honey," I replied confusedly. "Two isn't evil."

"Mommy, is two EVIL?" he asked again, really stressing that EVIL.

"No," I answered, still wondering why he's developed a sudden distrust of the number two.

"Mommy, is two ODD?" he asked.

Ah, it finally clicked. "No, you were right the first time. Two is EVEN."

TK has to watch what he eats

As I've mentioned before, B-man has food allergies. We talk about allergies quite often, to make sure B-man understands he has to be careful about what he eats, and also to assure him that it's just something about him, not bad, not good, just a part of him.

So I'll talk about how I'm allergic to some medicines, and TK is allergic to cats. See, many people have allergies! That was the message I was trying to convey.

That message got a tad garbled.

Here's the conversation we had the other day.

B-man: I'm allergic to nuts. I can't eat any nuts.

Me: That's right!

B-man: And you're allergic to medicine.

Me: Yep, there are some medications I can't have.

N-man, chiming in: And Daddy's allergic to cats. He can't eat any cats!

Me: ......

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Another great parenting moment: I realized tonight at dinner that three out of the last four meals the boys have eaten have been pizza.

Ironically, about 3 minutes after that realization, I got a phone call from a Gallup Poll. One of their questions: in the past seven days, how many nights have you had a healthy dinner?

Um, pizza is healthy, right???

When Peter Parker confuses his secret identities

Once in a while, Peter Parker mixes up his "Spiderman" and "Ruby the Drag Queen" secret identities:



(Thanks to N-man for creating this awesome Potato Head Spiderman in high heels!)

Gotta love those State Universities!

I got my college alumni magazine. Here's what they led with on the cover:

Why children are getting so fat, and what the University is doing to help them.

Um, shouldn't we be trying to PREVENT them from becoming obese? I mean, even though I was educated at a state school, I still know we shouldn't be trying to help children become overweight!

Proofread, anyone, for possible meanings in direct opposition to the intended meaning?

Why I love Sesame Street

How awesome is this?



I guess I should admit that I have a weird fixation on the Goo Goo Dolls, almost definitely attributable to spending my formative years in Buffalo. But come on, isn't John Rzeznik hot? Well, Buffalo-hot, a distinct subset of actual hot (see also: David Boreanaz). I don't know what it is...defined cheekbones? A strong jaw? Beautiful eyes? Kind of messy hair? A wardrobe that consists of more than zubaz and Buffalo Bills jerseys?

Aside from the eye-candy that is John Rzeznik, the best part of this video comes at 1:17, when Elmo plays the fake guitar. You have to watch the guy with the red bandana on his head. It's hilarious. Acutally, he's pretty hilarious throughout the video, as he seems to be an uncomfortable-happy.

It's genius.

My kids love it.

I love it.

What more do you want?

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Current NaNo word count: 6366. Had a pretty bad day yesterday with almost no time to write, and a wicked bad headache. So I didn't feel too bad about only hitting a little over 1,000 words, but I have to get back in my groove today. On the plus side, part of why I didn't have time to write is that I spent the morning while the boys were in school visiting a friend with a little tiny baby. Holding a tiny perfectly adorable boy was certainly worth losing some writing time.

Current NaNo attitude: Scared, with a side of pessimism. It's early to be feeling this...going to a write-in tomorrow that hopefully will get me back on track.

Hilarious children

As always, the boys have been saying some really funny things. So here are a few sillies for you to enjoy:

B-man has become very sure of himself, like he knows better than me. It's funny...I thought that wasn't supposed to start until he was a teenager! We were in the car and passed a house with a ghost decoration in their front yard. He excitedly pointed it out to me, and I asked him if it said boo. He answered, with a definite tone of "duh, mom", "Only REAL ghosts say boo. This was a pretend ghost."

N-man also has a little bit of that "I know better" going on. Whenever we correct him on a name of something, he tells us that he's just going to keep calling it whatever he wants. So, for example, our grocery store always has seagulls out front. He tells me every time, "Look, Mommy, EAGLES!" Me, wanting to prevent him from being pecked to death one day by insulted eagles, always tells him, "there are a lot of SEAGULLS." Then he says, "I'm going to call them EAGLES." Um, okay?

Well, the other day he saw an ad for one of those Halloween superstores. Right in the middle was a picture of a boy dressed up as Batman. So N-man said, "It's SUPERMAN!" So I told him, "that's BATMAN." And he answered, "No, I'm going to call him SUPERMAN. BLACK SUPERMAN. That's a good name." How do I argue with this?

Well, of course being the Halloween season, there have been far more pictures of Batman around than we would normally encounter, and N-man always announces loudly, "it's BLACK SUPERMAN." Oh dear.

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Replies to comments on Mortifying Monday:

American in Norway: You're right, it was kind of like 16 Candles, except with the ending that really should have happened.

Nancy: Yes, my physics teacher was really kind of a tool. I took AP Physics from him the next year, and he was a TERRIBLE teacher. It was his first time teaching it, and he pretty much just gave us a textbook and said "have at it!" I'm pretty sure he couldn't do the calculus needed for AP Physics...

And I am having trouble keeping on top of the replies to comments. I know I end up forgetting some on older posts...

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Replies to comments on Recipes:

I'm relieved to tell you all that Barb totally liked the cake. She agreed with my assessment that you really can't taste the zucchini at all, and was actually excited that she was eating some veggies :) So it all worked out!

LauraC: Oh, I've been wanting to read World War Z. I'll have to put it on my holiday wish list! And I'm not a big beet fan, either, though my husband likes them so I just keep trying them.

Jules: You had to mention the caramel sauce, didn't you! After reading your comment, I made some apple dumplings with caramel sauce. Yum!

Replies to comments on Another Meme:

Pink Ink: That's great, I think finishing a MS is better than starting new. My novel from last year is trash...I hate it, though I loved doing it, if that makes any sense. Good luck, and have fun!

Ronnica: Can't wait to see what you find!

ThreeUnderTwo: Thanks for playing along!

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Replies to comments on It's a SITS Blog-a-thon!:

Thank you to everyone who stopped by and commented. That was so fun! I'll be popping by to visit, if I haven't already!

Aha!

Here's some random silliness that my friend KK had forwarded to me. It's a song that tells the literal story of what's happening in A-ha's Take On Me Video. Very funny!

Love that logo

I'm actively involved in the local Mother of Twins club. I have a great time with it...in fact, I'm on the board. I even have a shirt with our logo on it. That's pretty cool, isn't it?

It gets better. Our logo is hilarious. I don't know who chose this logo. It's supposed to be a mom with a baby on each side, and it's kind of heart shaped. I get it...mom, twins, love. Nice.

Yeah, well, what does this logo look like to you?




I was wearing my shirt the other day at the grocery store, and the fish counter guy stopped me by yelling out, "That's awesome...is your shirt flipping me off?" No, it isn't. Do I make things any better, though? Of course not. I answer, "No, it's supposed to be a mom with twins. But I think it looks a lot like a pe,n^is." (Sorry for the crazy punctuation, once again attempting to avoid any pervert traffic). Then I put my hand over my mouth, shocked by what came out. I swear, I think I have a short-circuit some where between my brain and my mouth.

So what do you think our logo looks like? And how much would you like to meet the women who chose this logo? I have to applaud their ability to choose a logo that simultaneously appears to be a mom with twins, a middle finger, and a phallic symbol. That's pretty impressive.

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Replies to comments on Book Group, as described by B-Man to TK:

FitMePink, I'm certainly making an exception to my lack of pink love for your blog. And I wish I'd seen your call for recipes sooner...I had too much to do to get any together. Plus, I "ruin" most of my healthy food with vast quantities of cheese and bacon ;)

Mommaof4Wifetor, Thanks! Our book group actually met at a friend's house, and I can hardly believe it, but she didn't pull out any trains for us to play with.

Gio, Book group was a riot, although we were even less focused than normal (I don't think that book really lended itself to discussions, though). I had a piece of pie for breakfast. What, I figure it has to be better than a donut!

Replies to comments on My DVR:

Gio, I can hardly wait until the next SYTYCD season!

Laura, it was incredibly easy to miss Firefly unless you were a wicked big Joss Whedon fan. Fox showed it on Friday nights at 9pm. Sometimes. Sometimes not. And they didn't show the first episode. And they canceled it in a heartbeat. *Everyone* missed it. Except my husband (a sci-fi lovin' engineer) and I (a plain ol' sci-fi lovin' geek). We stayed home every Friday night while it was on, and that was back in the pre-kids days when staying home Friday night meant something. I'm a little jealous that you get to experience Firefly for the first time. It's really wonderful, one of the best shows ever. And then you get to watch Serenity (probably my favorite movie). Yes, I'm definitely jealous. Push it up to the top of your queue, and enjoy!

Nancy, oh, you have to watch Firefly! It's so good. I'll lend it to you if you'd like. And glad I got your kids hooked on Wonder Pets ;)

Angie, whew, so glad to hear I'm not the only One Tree Hill watcher! Love your site...what a good idea!

1st day of preschool

It was weird. I've been a stay at home mom for my kids' whole life. Besides a few months of a 2 hour-a-week drop-off playgroup, I've pretty much always known what my boys have been up to. I know what their experiences have been...what they've done in any given day. Now there's this 3 hour block of unknown that I have to rely on their reporting of what went on. Here's what I got:

From B-man:

• They didn't read ANY books. (That was what he was most looking forward to)
• I played on the playground.
• I made this bracelet. I chose PINK beads (there were many color beads on his bracelet, but only the pink ones were worth reporting).
• I didn't pee-pee in the potty. (I know this to be true as I got back a bag full of peed on clothes. Or more precisely, Nancy got back my bag of pee-pee clothes. No one at the school can tell Nancy and I apart. You know how all those moms of twins look alike. Except we don't so it's a bit odd. But Nancy, I have a theory...I wonder if they're getting confused with the hair color since your kids' reddish with blonde highlights is closer to my hair color, while my kids' brownish with red highlights is closer to your hair color. That's all I can figure...)

From N-man:

• Mrs. Teacher put this stamp on my hand (and Mrs. Teacher isn't a fake name I made up, that's actually what he called her).
• I didn't have any germs on my pretzels or raisins. (What? I can only guess they talked about washing hands before snack??)
• When I asked if they had circle time, N-man answered, "It was more like a hexagon." (Um, okay?)

So we survived our first day of preschool. N-man had a breakdown and didn't want to leave the house to go to school. I had to drag him out kicking and screaming and force him into his car seat. We were still a few minutes late for school as I was trying everything I could think of to calm him down before we left. By the time we got to school, he was fine.

B-man was a different story. I gave him a kiss, and he grabbed me in a death hold and wouldn't let go, sobbing uncontrollably. I handed him off to the teacher and left. The director was standing outside and said I could call her in a little bit to get an update, and that she was sure he'd be fine. I knew he would be. At the boys drop-off playgroup through Early Intervention, B-man cried nearly every week for a few minutes at the start. It breaks your heart, though.

Sure enough, I called when I got home and was assured B-man was fine and enjoying himself on the playground.

How did I spend my time, you may wonder? Tagging clothes for the Mother of Twins clothing sale. I know, I'm wild and crazy.

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Comment responses to Pig Won't Goes to Preschool:

Giovanna: the book has apparently gone out of print. So maybe the MOTs did rise up in protest :)
GIP: I thought it was interesting, too, how the boys distilled the ideas of good and bad from the story.
Nancy: You'll have to share if you got any more information about preschool!
Three Under Two: I've "lost" many books here (don't hate me, but I "lost" most of the Disney library...I just couldn't take the constant princesses anymore! Pig Will and Pig Won't may have take a Disney Vaca as well :).
Maggie: Nothin' better than a good ol' book burnin'!
Crazy Momma: Hope you enjoyed your SITS day. I really enjoyed your posts!
Aubrey: Hi! Glad you stopped by!

Something for all you non-Twilight fans

Okay, per Nancy's request, here's something for all you non-Twilight fans. TK and I caught this preview on On-Demand last night. We cracked up for about 10 minutes. It's for the movie Strange Wilderness.



There's a darker side to this story. We were total suckers and actually rented this movie last night via On Demand. It was not funny. In fact, it was one of the worst movies ever. However, that preview still stands as one of the funniest things I've ever seen. So watch the preview. Heck, watch the preview 40 times in a row, and it'll still be funnier and make more sense than the actual movie.

I'm so sweet...not only do I give you a funny trailer to watch on your day back from a long weekend, I also save you $5 by warning you not to rent the movie. You can thank me later!

Random unrelated thought: I took most of the long weekend off from being on the computer. I checked email a time or two, snuck in a few peeks at blogs, but was mostly offline. I missed my drug of choice: the internet. Welcome back, sweet digital drug!

For all you Twilight fans

Oh my gosh, you have to see this spoof of the Twilight trailer. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I suspect it will be funniest to people who have read the book, but I don't know, I think it's funny enough that even people who have no idea what the book is about will crack up. Well, so long as you know it's about vampires. Here you go:

I'm goofin' with my layout...

Any problems with my new layout on your computer? Yes, you're my beta testers :)

TK is helping me learn about how to play with changing up the look of my blog. And by that I mean: I say, "wouldn't it be neat if I could do x" and then a half hour later he says, "here's how you do x." There are just so many benefits to marrying a computer geek.

This isn't my long term blog plan, but just a quickie to get the feel of what I'm doing. So, did I make any mistakes? Does anything run off your screen, or look otherwise crazy?

Random unrelated thought: I stumbled across a brand-new blog (okay, I was checking sitemeter yet again. And I noticed a click through from her blog). So pop over and check her...she's got TWO sets of twins. Yes, you read that right, TWO. That's a lot of kid in the house! And leave her a comment...for you non-bloggers out there, comments are sunshine on a bloggy day. And for those of you who are bloggers, well, she thinks *I'm* famous...imagine if those of you who actually are famous leave her a comment!

Bonus random unrelated thought: TK was bringing dishes to the sink after dinner, and I said, "Can I give you a hand?" He turned to look at me and I held up a Mr. Potato Head arm. Then I fell on the floor laughing because I'm my best audience. Then two minutes later I sent N-man over to TK with the Potato Head arm to make the same joke. We all cracked up. So five minutes later, when I was cleaning up the stove, B-man came over and said, "Mommy, can I give you an ear?" He held up a Potato Head ear and laughed uproariously. So did I.